My comrade Firehawke has a passion for racing in Mega Man 2, a game that I am quite competent at… so long as I am allowed to go at my own pace. Once I have to race someone else through the game, my skill drops to about this level:
I dunno what school of gaming Firehawke comes from, but I came from the Wario school. That means: get everything and destroy everything! Don’t worry about how long it takes, just make sure you achieve 100% completion! Plus, I’m actually not a very competitive person at all. I’m a cooperative one instead. I like to wipe out enemies with friends rather than fight friends. The only competitive games I’ve historically been really into are Pokemon, Super Smash Bros., Crash Team Racing, and almost anything in the Bomberman series.
Anyway, seeing as the Mega Man 2 race has provided an opening, it’s time to share one of the songs I’ve written. Yep, I can do songs, but I can’t compose music, so I write lyrics to music I like or (more often) I take a song in a foreign language, find the straight translation, then write my own localization of it that fits the music. I believe that’s called a “woolseyism” in the TV Tropes circuit.
This is a sad song. It’s about a guy who keeps attempting and failing at the same task over and over, yet he won’t give up no matter how hopeless it is. It’s a song about his pain and suffering, and we never know whether he’ll actually succeed in the end.
Watch the video below and sing along with it. Warning: it gets fast and you may run out of breath.
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It just occurred to me
That for a long time I’ve been playing this stage
And every time I slip and fall and die in the same spot.
I haven’t given up
I’ve been trying to cross the disappearing blocks
But it’s so hard to get their timing down and I always fall
If I only had Item 2
Then I could fly across the chasm on a rocket sled
But I’ve tried many times
and no matter what I
just cannot beat Air Man
Because he… fires lots and lots of tornadoes that fill up the entire screen and cannot be dodged.
I even tried jumping over him to shoot him in the back but his almighty gales blew me away.
Not even pausing rapidly to slow the battle down will help me dodge his whirlwinds or retaliate
And so the very last thing I can think of right now is to save every E-Tank I find for the battle with him!
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As I traverse his lair
I get attacked by birds and worms and other drones
And to survive I keep draining all of the tanks that I’ve saved.
Yet still I won’t give up
Although the lair of Air Man is incredibly tough
And before too long I finally use up all of my lives.
If I only had the Leaf Shield
Then I could blaze across his lair and take him out real quick
But I have to earn it
and no matter what I
try Wood Man’s impossible!
Because… he throws lots of leaves into the air that flutter down and slice and cut and cannot be dodged!
And if I jump, he puts up his Leaf Shield and throws it then he closes in and beats me mercilessly.
I even tried rapid fire which bounces his shield and then he jumps into me with his powerful bulk
And so the very last thing I can think of right now is to save all of my Energy Tanks ‘till I really need them.
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If I only had Item 2
Then I could fly across the chasm on a rocket sled
But I’ve tried many times
and no matter what I
just cannot beat Air Man!
Because he… fires lots and lots of tornadoes that fill up the entire screen and cannot be dodged.
Well that is it, I don’t have put up with this crock; I think I’ll try something like Super Mario 2.
But holy cow, this game is so much worse because of all its jumps and poison mushrooms and those damnable winds!
And so I guess I’ll go back to my original plan, which is to save all my Energy Tanks for the master of wind!
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Air Man’s in-vincible!
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